Responding to those experiencing grief or tragedy

{just for you thursday}

The news is saturated this week with information about the

wildfires in Texas, the tenth anniversary of September 11, the shooting in

Nevada and countless other stories that deal with death or destruction. Each of these stories has one thing in

common: they represent survivors who are

left to deal with their own grief and loss.

Whether you are affected by one of these stories or a death of a loved

one, you are experiencing grief and loss.

The experience of grieving is extremely personal and no two people

grieve alike. While Elizabeth

Kubler-Ross outlined the stages of grief many years ago (denial, anger,

bargaining, depression and acceptance), it is difficult for those who are close

to the person grieving to know what to do.

Many of us have said, “I just don’t know what to say” or “I don’t know

how to help” so we don’t say or do anything.

The irony here is that, many times, all the grieving person wants to do

is talk about the tragedy or the person they have lost.

So, I wanted to share simple things to keep in mind when you

find yourself in the position to support a person who is grieving.

• Say something.
  Even a simple “I am thinking of you during this time” can mean a lot to
  the receiver. Don’t worry that by you
  saying something, you’ll be making the person remember. If you have had to experience grief, you know
  that it is all you think about anyway.

• Write something.
  If you don’t feel comfortable saying something face to face, send a hand-written
  note.

• Do something.
  Don’t wait for the person to ask for help. In grief, you can’t always think of what
  would be helpful. Take dinner over, go to
  the person’s house and start a load of laundry, clean the floors or sit with
  the children while the person showers.

• Share your memories. After the loss of my father, a friend said to
  me, “I’ll always remember the sound of your fathers laugh”. That meant so much to me that I still recall
  it, 13 years later.

• Be
  quiet. If the grieving person begins to
  cry and let it out, remember this…you do not have to make it better. Sitting in silence with a person is a moving
  experience and much more helpful than saying “it’ll be ok” because to the
  griever, it won’t. All you have to do is
  hold their hand, dry their tears or shed your own.

Take care of each other this week-

Janel Perez, M.S.-L.P.C